LAX–late. Forgot my jacket. Forgot my toothbrush. Forgot my book. Almost forgot my ass and I left two hours early.
I’m flying home to say goodbye to a dear friend and I’m deeply saddened under my armor- thick layers of denial.
I have cried
almost every moment that I’ve been alone. Alone is when the reality hits. Alone is when I find fear. Fear of Sunday. Fear of goodbye.
I’ never really regretted my lack of visits until the moment I heard he was gone. I don’t think I believe it. In fact I know I do not. It’s safe up here 35,000 miles above the planet. It’s the ether. It’s not real. Nothing is real up here. I could get drunk and be a surgeon from England and no one would be the wiser.
My first flight was filled with girl scout troop leaders and I immediately thought they were a plant devised by my friends to fuck with me.
I get to see him sooner than I thought and he has been more of my thoughts than I care to admit. He has been a distant comfort and by Wednesday I may just dislike him immensely…. ( joking darlin…. But you already know how my pen rolls)
Life is filled with loss and missed moments. Live it to the fullest. Take chances. Do cartwheels on the beach. Find all the beauty that you can and love like it will rip you apart from your core.
This week will be one of contemplation as it is when someone is lost. There will be memories shared, jäger spilled and shit spoken in mass quantity.
I love you Andrew Buba Flood. You will remain with me forever. You will be in my heart and in my mind, until those cease to exist until my soul will once again recognize yours my dear friend.
I do not know what is beyond this world but I pray that there is peace in your heart, you are with your family, and that you and Josh have found PBR and a strip club.